ONCORD, NH–Victories for the United States in the Olympic Village, including 17 gold medals, 23 silver medals, and a record number of gold medals in Beijing, have been certified by the International Olympic Council as New Japan. “With this shiny new varsity sports star on the ropes, it’s clear that we’re in for some real fireworks,” said IOC president Jacques Badel, who noted that the 19 athletes who were on hand for the ceremony wore various colorful outfits, including the iconic T-shirts, sashimi, and tracksuits worn by wrestlers in the '70s. “You can see that this is a brand-new, untamed Japanese Olympic team, unlike anything we’ve seen before.” The IOC also announced that there would be no official rules regarding the number of medals awarded to the winning athlete, as they would be split into equal groups of six, with the rest of the medals going to the athlete with the most gold medals.
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